Saturday, July 21, 2012
So not many of you know this but I have a fear of heights. Well actually its not so much a fear of heights, its more a fear of falling at a great velocity with a hard stop at the end.
When we drove to Aspen a few weeks back, I saw a zip line company and I got really excited. I don't really know why but I really wanted to do it. It seemed like great fun. I mentioned my desire to zip line to some wonderful friends we met in Haiti and Kevin jumped at the chance. Our sweet friends organized all the details and even picked us up.
All the way up the mountain I was still really excited. I was really looking forward to it.
It wasn't until we were climbing the first tower that it suddenly dawned on me. "What the heck are you doing" The tower shook like a mini earthquake had just passed by. Not a fun feeling in fact I was physically shaking. Kevin and I were last, so watching everyone else zip at full speed away from the tower didn't help my growing anxiety.
By the time it was my turn I was so scared. Then I did the stupidest thing to do when standing on the edge of a tower. I looked DOWN.
I was now petrified. So there I was sitting on the edge of the tower going nowhere fast. When ever I get scared I practice a trick I learned on Dr Phil. I ask myself what's the worst thing that can happen if I do X. If I can live with the worst case scenario then usually I am no longer scared.
That works well when I need to cold call the office of the president of a company. Worst case scenario I don't get to talk to them. I can live with that. Accepting a public speaking request. Worst case scenario I bore everybody to tears and they never ask me back. With some convincing I can live with that. But today was different, standing approximately 4 stories in the air the worst case scenario was face planting the ground at break neck speed. Not a scenario I was ready to accept.
The thought crossed my mind to back out and walk back down the tower. I consider it for a split second. But then it dawned on me that over the next twelve months getting Library For All off the ground, I am going to face things that scare the pants off me. I knew that if I backed out today I would continue to back out at really scary moments in the future. It sounds stupid I know but it really was the argument I was having in my head as I sat with my legs dangling over the edge.
There is no way I am backing out of the library so I decided I didn't have a choice to make. I just had to jump off the tower. Ok it wasn't much of a jump more like a slow slide off, but none the less I did it and I am glad.
As we made it around the course each tower got easier and easier.
By the last tower I was full of confidence. I decided to get a run up and jumped. I am not being presumptuous but maybe I am on my way to kicking this fear of falling thing.
Today was so so much fun. Big shout out to Kevin and Renee. Thank-you so much for taking us on a great adventure.